My Testimony of Confession, Repentance, and Restitution
When I had backslidden and became a new age spiritual teacher (teaching on oneness, Christ consciousness, and spiritual awakening), I was deeply deceived by Satan, and as a result, I deceived others too by my writings, counsel, and books for years.
When the Lord Jesus, by his grace and mercy, opened my eyes and showed me my deception, it was a terrible and sorrowful time.
I had to publicly confess and repent on my previous Facebook and Instagram profiles and my website. And I had to email all my subscribers and repent and tell them I was now born again, had been deceived, and all I taught was a lie, and that Jesus had saved me. It was not easy. I had a large following.
I had to refund the coaching clients I had at the time, the large sums of money they had paid me for a year of coaching services, because I had to stop the spiritual coaching I was doing.
I had to pull down my New Age books from Amazon and stop selling them.
I deleted all the hundreds of articles I had written on my website for years because it was all deception, and later started using it to preach the gospel till today.
I also had to repent to many individuals I had wronged in various ways, including a married person I slept with and other embarrassing confessions and restitutions from my former life of sin (some dating years).
Then Jesus showed me the truth about modesty soon after, and I had to get rid of all my old indecent clothes, adornments, and makeup, and was left with an empty wardrobe. Friends, it was a year of serious consecration and losing everything I had and thought I was.
I also deleted my old Instagram and Facebook accounts, as I had to separate myself from my former life and contacts, and stayed off social media largely for almost a year, and then started sharing my testimony on some YouTube channels a year later.
Sin has serious consequences. I would have liked to keep quiet and delete my accounts and vanish, but the Lord led me to repent, confess publicly, take responsibility, and publicly announce my salvation.
I suffered losses and consequences for my sin, including income, friends, and popularity. I lost everything, and on top of that, the great sorrow and torment over my deception and the fact that I was heading to hell. It was not easy.
I had to fast and pray seriously for months, crying out to the Lord for repentance and deliverance from the strong demons I had allowed into my life. I was alone with no Christian friends at all, as I was coming from another world. I only had one family member I used to talk to about my walk, an in-law.
There is no private sin. Sin has a three-way effect.
When we sin, we not only sin against God but also against ourselves and other people. And if we are spreading our sins to others and influencing people in a public manner, we cannot just repent to God alone. We must confess to the people we have wronged. That is the penalty for sin. It has consequences. That’s why we must be very careful how we live because we are responsible for other people who are affected by our actions in God’s eyes.
Sin has a three-way effect. It affects God, others, and ourselves, and therefore, repentance must also touch on all three parties. You can’t hurt others and confess to God only. Restitution (making amends) is part of repentance.
Examples of public sins and public consequences
1. King David in the matter of Uriah and Bathsheba
When David committed adultery, killed Uriah, and took his wife, there were public consequences. Although he confessed publicly and God forgave him, he still lost his unborn child and later had to deal with Absalom stealing his wife. This was God’s discipline and not Satan attacking him. (2 Samuel 12:9-22)
“This is what the LORD says: ‘I will raise up adversity against you from your own house. Before your very eyes, I will take your wives and give them to another, and he will lie with them in broad daylight. You have acted in secret, but I will do this thing in broad daylight before all Israel….’ After Nathan had gone home, the LORD struck the child that Uriah’s wife had borne to David, and he became ill.” (2 Samuel 12:11, 12, 15)
2. King David in the matter of the census
Again, when he took the census against God’s wishes, God punished him and brought a plague that killed thousands of people.
“So the LORD sent a plague upon Israel from that morning until the appointed time, and seventy thousand of the people from Dan to Beersheba died. (2 Samuel 24:15)
3. Moses and Aaron in the matter of the rock and the waters of Meribah
When Moses and Aaron disobeyed God and Moses struck the rock to produce water instead of speaking to it, there were consequences, no matter how anointed they were. God told them both that they would not enter the promised land for dishonoring him, and they died in the wilderness.
“But the LORD said to Moses and Aaron, ‘Because you did not trust Me to show My holiness in the sight of the Israelites, you will not bring this assembly into the land that I have given them.” Numbers 20:12
God disciplines those he loves
God disciplines us even after he forgives us. Never think you will offend God and then just say sorry and go away scot-free. There are consequences God will let you pass through to discipline you for dishonoring his name before people and disobeying him.
He disciplines us so that we may share his holiness if we are his sons. I suffered the consequences of my sins both while in sin and after repenting, and that’s why I fear God so much.
“For the Lord disciplines the one He loves, and He chastises every son He receives… God disciplines us for our good, so that we may share in His holiness.” Hebrews 12:6,10
“For when Your judgments come upon the earth, the people of the world learn righteousness.” Isaiah 26:9
God’s mercy can run out; therefore, repent today!
Remember, there is a level of continued disobedience that God doesn’t forgive. This happened to King Saul (1 Samuel 16:1), to Korah and his group (Numbers 16:32), and to Ananias and Sapphira (Acts 5:1-11).
Therefore, we should not presume on God’s love, grace, and mercy and refuse to repent for our sins. If we repent fully, God will forgive us, just as he forgave King David for his grave sins. But we must be honest and make things right with God and those we have wronged.
“He who covers his sins will not prosper, but whoever confesses and forsakes them will have mercy.” Proverbs 28:13
Fear God and repent when he warns you; otherwise, he may withdraw his hand, and you perish forever. Flee from sin. It will shame you in the end. Let us fear God; he is not our equal.
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