Mwendwa Mbaabu’s Testimony

Delivered from years of trauma, new-age spiritual deception, alcoholism, LGBTQ lies, sexual bondage, and self-destructive habits to total freedom in Christ Jesus.

I was dead and I am alive again; was lost and now I’m found!

My life is a living testimony of the saving and redeeming power of the blood of Jesus Christ for even the worst of backsliders. My journey with Jesus for 20 years was filled with perpetual backsliding because I did not fully understand the love of God and the fact that salvation was not based on my works. I allowed condemnation over and over to take me away from God. But glory to the Lord Jesus because he promises to keep his own from perishing and to heal our backslidings!

“Return, you backsliding children, And I will heal your backslidings.” “Indeed, we do come to You, For You are the LORD our God.” Jeremiah 3:22, “I give them eternal life, and they will never perish. No one can snatch them out of My hand. My Father who has given them to Me is greater than all. No one can snatch them out of My Father’s hand” John 10:28-29

Born in the early 80s, my childhood was traumatic- riddled with chaos, sadness, torment, and despair. This was occasioned by living with an alcoholic father who was emotionally and physically abusive to my mother, and emotionally, physically, and financially absent from his kids and family, especially as his drinking took root. Growing up I lived to witness the gross effects of sin on the individual and family and was very sad, depressed, and suicidal, especially starting from my teen years.

I attempted suicide when I was 15 by taking a bunch of pills seeking to escape it all. I did not understand why God would allow my life to be so miserable and I often told him I did not ask to be born and wanted to die. I did not understand spiritual things, having never had anyone teach them to me and having been brought up in a religious methodist family with no training in the ways of Christ and hardly any church attendance. I thought death was the answer, but once my suicide attempt failed it dawned on me clear as day that I would have gone to hell. This did not get rid of my desire for death and my depression, but it did take suicide off the table. Instead, I begged God to kill me for years because I saw no joy in living.

My father committed suicide when I was 17. It was a very sad time for our family, and I continued to struggle with and was diagnosed with severe clinical depression, OCD, and social anxiety. I had low self-esteem, rejection, self-hate, intense fear, and suicidal ideations, and struggled with sexual identity issues, and bondage.

I was born again when I was 20, in the year 2002 after an abortion which left me consumed with guilt and anguish. I was alone at home and a heavy conviction came upon me reflecting upon my life and my sins, I turned on the TV where the sinner’s prayer was being offered by a Television preacher and I repeated it. My life was changed, and I experienced the new birth found in Christ Jesus and became very active in evangelism and at a local church.

However, my faith was still deeply rooted in “works” and I did not have a full understanding of the fact that salvation was fully by grace and I did not have to earn God’s love and favor. I always felt unworthy of God’s love and compared myself to others in the church a lot; I had a lot of rejection and abandonment issues from my childhood and always felt unworthy of love. A year later I was miserable and tired of my constant performance and never feeling good enough and stopped attending church and praying. I got pregnant soon after at 22 and turned from God even more feeling like I had failed him. For the next 5 years, I lived a worldly life of drinking, and sex, and even explored the lesbian lifestyle briefly because I hated men.

These things left me empty and miserable and I knew they were wrong. The conviction of the Holy Spirit was still with me and by the age of 29 I couldn’t live with myself anymore, but I felt too far gone for God to want anything to do with me. However, one night on July 7th, 2009, I cried out to God in deep repentance in my room and he changed me and set me free from all the perversion and worldliness instantly.

Sadly, this was not to be the end of my backsliding. For the next 5 years, I walked with the Lord and served faithfully in churches in worship teams, intercession, Sunday school, and evangelism, and had a personal outreach ministry to the poor, slums, and street children. However, towards the end, I had a series of bad experiences in churches, which included exposure to Christian cults, and false churches with false teachings which left me battered, bruised, rejected, and completely disillusioned with Christianity as a religion. I still loved Jesus but wanted nothing to do with organized religion because of the bad experiences and corruption I had witnessed for so many years.

In 2014, I decided to stay away from churches and follow Jesus away from organized Christianity. However, isolated, wounded, and a lone sheep, I found myself an easy prey to the devil. Apostle Peter tells us in 1 Peter 5:8, to “Be sober, be vigilant; because your adversary the devil, as a roaring lion, walketh about, seeking whom he may devour”. Soon, no longer reading the bible and praying, I found myself back to the sins of my past, effectively opening the door to Satan’s deceptions and being taken advantage of a few months later in my vulnerability by an ‘Apostle’ in wolf clothing who claimed to sympathize with me and understand me. That experience traumatized me and let me completely shattered and I shut the door to Christianity firmly in my mind.

Jesus warned, “When an unclean spirit goes out of a man, he goes through dry places, seeking rest, and finds none. Then he says, ‘I will return to my house from which I came.’ And when he comes, he finds it empty, swept, and put in order. Then he goes and takes with him seven other spirits more wicked than himself, and they enter and dwell there, and the last state of that man is worse than the first. So shall it also be with this wicked generation.” Matthew 12:43-45 This is what happened to me. Without the defense of a strong walk with the Lord, and armed with condemnation and guilt, I found myself worse than before, engaged in sexual fornication, involved in the LGBTQ lifestyle again, on and off, drunkenness, all manner of filth, and this time opened the door to spiritual deception as well which is idolatry.

I began accepting and embracing new-age spiritual beliefs which seemed to offer me some semblance of a relationship with God since I no longer identified as a Christian. Over the next 9 years, these new-age spiritual beliefs had taken deep hold of me and I became a ‘spiritual’ teacher in the metaphysical, law of attraction, new age, and new thought community. I published 3 books and had clients and a growing following on social media. My new beliefs were a mixture of Gnosticism, new-thought Christianity, Hinduism, Buddhism, eastern philosophy, and mystical Christianity. I had embraced beliefs such as non-dualism, astrology, reincarnation, Christ-consciousness, belief in the existence of extraterrestrials, oneness, and belief that all paths led to God. I thought I had found the ultimate truth but was deeply deceived.

I had also gradually developed a drinking problem and by 2022 was a full-blown alcoholic unable to save myself despite years of trying everything I could. My new-age spiritual beliefs could not save me and my discontent only grew. I knew only Jesus could help me, and I cried out to him for help over and over. Finally at my lowest point when I was admitted to an addiction rehabilitation treatment center, in utter despair and hopelessness, having given up on all self-help, I cried out to the Lord Jesus a few days after my admission in utter despair and surrender and the Lord Jesus set me free instantly and miraculously from all desire to drink alcohol and the bondage that had plagued me for years.

While at rehab I began to pray and study the teachings of Jesus in the bible daily. The spiritual deception took longer to be free from because I still believed I was on the right path. However, Jesus was slowly opening my blinded eyes.

Jesus eventually showed me that the hell I had grown to deny was real and that I was heading there. By April 2023 the word of God and the grace of the Lord Jesus had done their work and opened my eyes it seemed almost overnight to see how greatly deceived and blinded by the devil I had been. Testimonies of other former new-agers, especially Doreen Virtue a former best-selling and internationally known new age teacher who found the Lord, were also used by the Lord to reach me. Through a convicting work only the Holy Spirit can perform, I was shown the depth of my deception of 9 years and how I had turned to other gods. It felt like I had woken up from a deep sleep and seen the great error and depravity of my ways.

I truly was like the prodigal son Jesus talked about in Luke 15:11-32. I had wasted all I had in prodigal and wasteful living. Jesus said that the prodigal son “came to himself“, and said, “I will arise and go to my father.” Jesus opened my eyes, set me free from years of sin and deception, and revived my first love for him which had been lost. (Revelations 2:4)

Through godly sorrow and a process of deep repentance and deliverance which involved months of prayer and penitent fasting, I left my old life behind completely. It was clear I could not maintain my old life and a walk with Jesus. In obedience, I left it all behind to follow Jesus (Luke 5:11). This included pulling down my books from Amazon, deleting my old social media accounts, and all my articles on my website. I also made a public confession to my followers on social media and to my clients making it clear I could no longer teach what I had been because it was a lie and I had gotten born again.

It was not easy and there were many consequences to this change-financially, socially, and emotionally. Sin and rebellion always have consequences. But Jesus promised to be with me always if I obeyed him and he has. I refunded my clients their funds, made restitution to those I had harmed, and turned away from my old ways completely.

Jesus has changed my life and delivered me from the deep bondage of my past and backsliding. My rebellion, vanity, backsliding, and abominable sins led me to great suffering and bondage for years and placed me on the road to eternity in hell.  But once I turned back and sincerely repented and mourned for my sins, Jesus forgave me, washed me, and changed me. Jesus is a faithful high priest and shepherd who will keep all those who place all their trust in him. But he also requires holiness and complete obedience from us because his sheep obey his voice.

“Wherefore he is able also to save them to the uttermost that comes unto God by him, seeing he ever liveth to make intercession for them.” Hebrews 7:25 

I give glory to God for opening my eyes when I was greatly deceived. I am grateful for his mercy, long-suffering, and kindness. He did not allow me to die and perish in my pitiful state. I was dead and now am alive again, was blind but now I see. Jesus Christ truly came to set the captives free.

“My sheep hear My voice, and I know them, and they follow Me. And I give them eternal life, and they shall never perish; neither shall anyone snatch them out of My hand. My Father, who has given them to Me, is greater than all; and no one is able to snatch them out of My Father’s hand. I and My Father are one.” Jesus in John 10:28-30

“For this my son was dead, and is alive again; he was lost, and is found” Luke 15:24

If you are backslidden, like I was, or lost in new-age deceptions, I pray this testimony draws you to Jesus. Do not be like I was and waste years in backsliding and deception because the time of grace may run out. Jesus is coming back soon, just as he promised 2000 years ago! My testimony is not to encourage you to sin because of God’s grace, but to repent because of His grace. If I had died in my sin I would have gone to hell. Now is the day of salvation. Jesus said, “My sheep follow me, and I give them eternal life.” It is only by following and obeying him that we shall have eternal life.

Jesus Christ died, taking the punishment that sinners deserved, and became a ransom for us (Matthew 20:28). He was buried, and on the third day rose again, triumphing over sin and death on the cross, taking the keys of death and hell, that whosoever believes in him, shall not perish but have eternal life. Those who look to him receive his life in exchange for theirs, being reconciled to God. May you be granted grace to look to him and be saved.

I pray that this testimony is used by the Holy Spirit to draw you to repentance and that you too would find the freedom from sin and damnation that is only available through Jesus Christ. The devil only comes to steal, kill, and destroy, but Jesus came and died for us so that we may have life in abundance and eternally (John 10:10). Jesus is the only way to the Father. Time is short; we are in the last days and Jesus is coming back soon and desires us to be found living wholly for him in holiness. “Without holiness, no man shall see God” Hebrews 12:14. We must leave all and follow him (Luke 5:11).

Grace to you and peace from God our Father, and the Lord Jesus Christ.

If this testimony blesses you, please share it with your friends, on your socials, and with anyone who needs to know the Lord Jesus Christ. 

I am available to share my testimony in more detail to win souls for Jesus and help others find freedom. Feel free to contact me here

You can Download my testimony as a PDF to share as an evangelism tract and message here.

If you would like to be born again and receive Jesus Christ as Lord and Savior, click here.

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Read my article, New Age to Jesus; New-Age Deception” which I wrote immediately after repentance which exposes some of the lies of the New-age movement.

Steven Bancarz a former new age practitioner saved and delivered by Jesus Christ exposes the new age teachings in the interview below in a more eloquent way that I could. At 19-years-old, Steven Bancarz dedicated his life to New Age beliefs and sharing his spiritual wisdom with his blog community, where 200,000 to 300,000 people visited his site per day

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