I No Longer Dress to Kill

In June 2023, the Lord took me on a journey of relearning what modesty, beauty, and godly womanhood mean from his perspective and word. This journey has completely and radically changed how I dress and view myself. It has also changed how I relate with the world around me and how the world interacts with me.

When I rededicated my life back to Jesus in April 2023, I was coming from a life of very immodest and seductive dressing. The way I looked was a huge part of my identity. Sexual freedom and feminism were major parts of my worldview. I believed that a woman could dress however she liked because I thought her body belonged to her (contrary to 1 Corinthians 6:19-20).
A Slave to My Appearance

My identity and self-worth revolved around my looks and my body for most of my life. The more of my body shape I revealed, the better I seemed to feel about myself. I accentuated the things people complimented me most about to get attention: my legs, lips, eyes, and figure.

All this was quite subconscious, and I would have denied that I was dressing like I did for attention. But I later realized that it was because I was insecure. I did not feel beautiful if I did not look a certain way when I left the house, and could not even leave the house without applying eyeliner. I would look at myself in the mirror almost every hour, even in public.

This spirit of vanity and lust came with a life filled with perversions, same-sex attraction tendencies, and promiscuity. I even delighted in Boudoir photography, posting sexy and revealing pictures of myself online for a season. Because of the way I dressed and appeared, it also influenced the kind of men I drew to myself. Men seemed only interested in my body and did not honor me. Low self-esteem kept me in a negative cycle of seeking external validation.

But Praise God that he delivered me from this Spirit of vanity as I continued to submit to him. Through his word (the Bible), he transformed me and gave me a proper identity and self-respect.
What I learned about Modesty and What I Stopped Putting on

After a period of searching the scriptures and seeking God’s heart on the matter, I made a decision based on conviction to no longer wear trousers/pants, make-up, any jewelry, or artificial hair (including hair dying).

It took months for the Holy Spirit to help me fully understand modesty. He showed me that it went even deeper beyond just dressing. I came to understand the deeper implications of immodesty on the soul and life of men and women. And also the implications on society in general. This realization was liberating for me and dressing modestly became a great source of joy and freedom.

I extensively studied the scriptures, church history, the history of fashion, and the women’s rights movement. I also listened to many women’s testimonies. At the last, I came away with a conviction that women putting on pants, jewelry, makeup and artificial adornments (fake nails, hair, eyelashes, body parts, and so forth) does not please God.
My Modesty Journey and the Changes I Made

When the Lord convicted me about modesty in June 2023, I got rid of all my clothes since none were modest. I also got rid of my seductive perfume, nose-rings, jewelry, make-up, and high heels.

I had no dresses to wear, but I was obedient to the conviction of the Holy Spirit. It was also difficult because I had no job and so I could not afford new clothes. But I chose to obey the Lord regardless. I had to borrow about 3 dresses from my sister before I could buy new clothes. Eventually, the Lord provided for me, and I began to buy modest dresses and skirts.

It was tough for a few months in the beginning after I changed my wardrobe. I felt strange as I had been wearing only fitting pants most of my life. Likewise, when I wore dresses, they were extremely short, revealing, and seductive. I was very self-conscious for a long time. Applying eyeliner was an addiction and it was tough going without it. It was also uncomfortable not having long hair to hide my forehead behind.

It was a journey of growth. The kind of dresses and skirts I bought evolved as the Holy Spirit taught me what pleased him step by step. The Holy Spirit taught me over time to wear flowing dresses and skirts that do not bring attention to my body or expose my legs. As well as upper clothes and cover my chest, and upper arms. I choose to cover up my tattoos too even though I know God has forgiven me for marking his body.
Embracing My Natural Self

I had always hated my natural hair because I found it too coarse. To be honest, I had never known what I looked like with my natural hair because it was always hidden or changed. As a child, I always plaited/braided my hair and permed it when I was around 14. I braided my hair often until when I changed to dreadlocks. I also always dyed my hair. In December 2022, I shaved my dreadlocks after Jesus delivered me from alcoholism. The dreadlocks were connected to a life of rebellion.

This is the first time in my life I have kept my natural hair. It is also the first time I have had a completely natural look without some form of makeup, nail polish, or artificial hair. Discovering the ‘Mwendwa’ God created rather than the image I created based on my low self-esteem, self-loathing, and worldly standards of beauty has been wonderful.

It has also been liberating to be free from slavery to beauty standards, keeping up with worldly trends, fashions, and obsession with how I look. Financially, it is also a blessing as I have more to use to help others rather than spend on adorning my body. God truly makes no mistakes.
Consider the Fruit and Origins of Makeup and Adornment

Jesus said, “you will know them by their fruit” (Matthew 7:16). These fashions and adornments tend to promote vanity, financial waste, idolatry, and discontent with how God made us. They also inspire lust and covetousness in self and others, and war against godly virtues, femininity, and womanhood.

The origins, inspiration, and desired ends behind many of these beauty products are also not godly. They typically tend to promote some sense of falsehood as well as seduction. The word makeup itself says it all. They hide what God has made and in many cases even seek to correct and replace what God made with a cheap imitation made by men. This is especially so in the case of fake nails, eyelashes, nail polish, lipstick, plastic surgery, fake or human hair weaves, and all forms of makeup and hair dyes.

“Woe unto him that striveth with his Maker! Let the potsherd strive with the potsherds of the earth. Shall the clay say to him that fashioneth it, What makest thou? Or thy work, He hath no hands? Woe unto him that saith unto his father, What begettest thou? Or to the woman, What hast thou brought forth? Isaiah 45:9-10:
The Carnal Nature is Contrary to Modesty…[…]